Au Revoir, Les Enfants

We are on vacation without the kids. Yesterday, my mother met us at the airport in Chicago and we handed Oscar and Ike over to her for what will undoubtedly be a week of such extreme fun for the dudes that they may never want to return to Wisconsin. Right now, Caleb and I are at a HoJos in San Juan, Puerto Rico, enjoying the free wireless and the balmy breeze blowing in the window of our seventh-floor room. We've been travelling all day, beginning at six o'clock this morning when Caleb's sister Naomi drove us to O'Hare in an extremely ominous snowstorm. After a de-icing procedure that involved an extremely macabre-looking red fluid being sprayed onto the airplane windows, our flight took of on time. And we were behind Law & Order star Dennis Farina in the security line! His carry-on luggage looked very expensive and I felt a bit embarrassed when the plastic tub containing my Radio-Shack-model laptop collided with his briefcase, which looked as if it were made from the tanned hide of a unicorn.

From a gustatory standpoint, the trip has been a disaster. After an encouraging start (deluxe cocktails at The Violet Hour with Naomi and a "small plates" dinner), I have had nothing but cheeseburgers all day, as well as one extremely doughy and bland in-flight bagel sandwich. The strip our hotel is on contains no real dining options other than a full complement of American fast food. My dream of dining in Puerto Rico involved a little shack on the beach where a pig was being roasted in some authentic Boricuan style on a spit, and adventurous gringos are welcomed with raised glasses of mojitos and fed delicious pork dishes garnished with sofrito. No dice. However, the ocean is clearly visible from our hotel-room window, our view bisected neatly by the tower of the fancier and more-expensive hotel across the steet. Nonetheless - can't complain.